It is as if they have a fuel tank that supplies the gasoline to a race-car engine... Here is the story of a 37-year-old love addict named Jake and a 35-year-old codependent named Melissa.
Melissa and Jake, like so many codependent/love addict relationships, were oblivious to their psychological afflictions.
Self-control helped you survive, but controlling yourself or others leads to problems later in intimate relationships.
Despite the prevalence of codependent women, I see many codependent men in my private practice.
Love addicts rarely make it past the 30-day mark in any new relationship.
Yet codependence today refers to something broader, where a person loves another and loses himself or herself along the way in the effort to stay fused. Though many of the rules are often unspoken, both members of a codependent couple are keenly aware of what is and what is not allowed in the relationship.
The codependent mindset says, ‘Let’s do everything together and be all things for each other so that we never, ever end up alone.’ High stakes, right? I see a couple in my practice who always manages to fight about the same thing: She wants to meet friends for drinks after work for happy hour, but he wants her to invite him or to hang out at home with him instead.
Your needs were also ignored if you took on age-inappropriate responsibilities because of an out of control, irresponsible, or immature parent.
If there was abuse or addiction present, you probably grew up in an atmosphere of chaos, conflict, strict rules, or unpredictability.